Yeah. It’s been that long. Three decades of eccentricity.
* * *
I’m looking forward to a better 2011. Next year will be my lucky year. I just know it.
Merry Christmas and a happy new year to everyone. Please do make sure you enjoy the holidays. I’m off to do my last minute Christmas shopping. I hope there’s not a lot of people at the malls – haha, such wishful thinking.
Finally patched things up with the center of my universe. No more emo crap from me. Fo shizzle. Haha… and just in time for my birthday.
This is the best gift I could ever wish for.
I had lunch with Ken today. This was long overdue as this was scheduled to have happened almost a year ago. I’m glad I bumped into him at our company Christmas party over the weekend. The timing couldn’t have been better.
Norman, my best friend, will be back in the country in a few weeks. The timing is, again, impeccable.
I guess someone out there really does watch over me. During these times of need, I could really use some friends who I can rely on.
* * *
I currently have a one-sided relationship with someone. One-sided because I have been treating him like a brother but I have not been getting the same treatment in return. With this realization, I’ve been shutting him out for the past few days. I haven’t got a thing to lose by doing so and I just don’t want another bad investment. Anyway, I’m going to try to do a status check tomorrow. There’s nothing a simple chat couldn’t fix.
You know what I should do? I should focus all these emo sh*t energies into something more productive. I’ve yet to figure out how but I promise that I will try my best to come up with something that’s therapeutic (aside from blogging) at the least.
2010 just brought out the worst in me. It’s time for another paradigm shift.
Paradigm. Haha… I finished college without ever knowing how to pronounce this word.
Anyway, let me just pile these skeletons first in my closet before I bring out my drawing board of unfulfilled dreams. Haha… Emo sh*t kicking in again… must… resist…
If my brother can hear me now, he would probably say: “Why haven’t you killed yourself yet? Nevermind, you’ll probably just do it wrong anyway.” Haha… This is how we usually let each other know that we care.
* * *
2011. With the new year comes a new set of resolutions. Surprisingly, I was able to complete my resolution for 2010 – it was to get rid of my beer belly. No, I don’t have a six pack yet, I just got rid of the extra flab on my abdominal area. I actually needed to do this to keep my back from hurting. Speaking of six packs, I don’t like having toned abs – it reminds me of cockroaches. I don’t know why, but it does. Ewww.
I know! This year, I’ll try boxing. I’ll practice my punches so that the next time I see this certain someone, I can punch his face off with an uppercut (complete with a follow-through, a la Tiger Uppercut).
I know, I know, quitting the emo crap. Sigh. This is already a resolution on its own.
I burn bridges. That is what I do. This will one day lead to my own downfall.
Nothing can express this better than a heartfelt song from a metal band in clown costumes.
“I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed
I just finished watching the 6th episode of The Walking Dead. The series was starting to bore me so it was a good thing that this episode (season finale) was able to change the mood. I’m not a critic so I’m not going to give you ‘all-knowing’ reasons why I found it good. I like it not because of the way it was shot, nor for the way the dialogue was written. I just like for the way it can tell the truth about human behavior. I like it because I was able to empathize with the characters. I was able to relate to the feeling of hopelessness.
If I were in the same situation, I would have probably chosen to stay.
I’m still hungry. I need to stop eating, but I’m still hungry.
Hmm… steak.
I miss Regrub. Regrub is the food stall in Shopwise that sells those really beefy burgers. We would walk at high noon from our old office in Eastwood to Shopwise just to buy these. I wonder if the burgers at Sango tastes as good. For double the price, I sure hope they do.
* * *
I just realized that Regrub is burger spelled backwards. Haha… How could I have not noticed that the first time I saw it? Anyway, it’s kind of ‘spooky’ as it reminds me of ‘redrum’ from that classic Jack Nicholson horror movie.
It’s official. This is my worst year yet. And this post proves it.
I only blog when something bothers me. Blogging is something I do whenever I want to vent out frustrations or just want to keep myself distracted from all the crazy things happening around me. This year now has the most number of posts.
To the people who became part of my life this year, this post is dedicated to you. Thank you for making me stronger. I wish that you can also have the chance to be stronger these next few years.
* * *
Anyway, enough of this emo sh*t. Haha…
I can’t wait for Norman to get back home. I want may games! I asked him to buy used PS3 games in the US and I can’t wait to get my hands on them. I also plan on taking him to a buffet dinner for my birthday so I’m also excited for that. Prime ribs… hmmm...
Some people are naturally charismatic. I’ve blogged about this very same topic almost a decade ago. I was trying to put into words what having ‘charisma’ means. I’ve summed it up to one simple statement: For me it was the ability of a person to make you feel good whenever you are with him (or her). If just by hanging out with this person you forget all your troubles, you feel good about yourself and you feel infused with a positive outlook in life, then that person exudes charisma.
I’ve been told that I have charisma – but I just see myself as a very troubled person. I admit that I have a lot of skeletons in my closet and I had my share of depressions and self-loathing. Knowing my weaknesses and their consequences, I do my best each and every day not to succumb to them. I keep a happy face and make sure that no one around me knows what hell I’m going through. For years I’ve been doing this and people actually compliment me for having this ‘unique’ positivity. I’ve been asked several times how I managed to stay positive despite facts that would normally drive us to the opposite direction and I would just tell them ‘I don’t know.’ Of course I was flattered – but if they only knew how much effort I’ve given behind that, they’d probably laugh at me for being such a sorry a**. I have false charisma, if there is even such a term.
Today, I’m slowly sinking to my lowest. People are taking me for granted and my need to feel ‘important’ is not being nourished. Perhaps, maybe, I really am unimportant. Today, I’ve sunk a new low. Tomorrow, I‘m going to put up another smile on my face and tell myself and everyone around me that everything is going to be all right.
But it’s not. And I think I may already need help.
Sometimes, I just need someone to make me forget my troubles. I just need to meet someone who can make me feel good about myself. Someone who can make me feel needed. But it’s not going to happen. Not to me. Tsk.
* * *
Hay, buhay… :-\
I can’t get enough of Science & Faith. It’s been running over and over on my playlist. I like its beat. It has a modernized ‘old-school’ feel into it (haha… whatever).
“You won’t find faith or hope down a telescope;
You won’t find heart and soul in the stars;
You can break everything back to chemicals,
but you can’t explain a love like ours.
It’s the way we feel, yeah, this is real.”
* * *
I finally bought myself a PlayStation 3 (PS3) after delaying it for the longest time. Of course, being a fan of the Final Fantasy series, FFXIII is the first game I bought. I’m now trying NOT to get addicted to gaming again so I’m controlling my playing hours. I will limit myself to 2 hours of play time during weekdays and 6 hours for weekends.
HD gaming, how I love thee. I know, I’m a late bloomer. Others may have moved on to 3D gaming or whatever and I’m still at awe with a ten year old technology. I can’t help it, I enjoy playing up close on a large TV (hello nausea). Even if my LCD TV is not a Bravia, it still works well with the PS3.
I’m really satisfied with my tech purchases.
I’ve had the best dream last night. I was so happy that I woke up smiling. Not wanting to end the joy, I willed myself to sleep again and tried to pick up where my dream left off. Surprisingly, it worked. I felt bliss for another 30 minutes.
Then I was late for work.
We’re all waiting for something better to come along.
We’re still hoping that we’ll get what we’ve always wanted. In the process, we hold on to the things that we no longer like but still find useful. We hold on to our current jobs, our old friends, and even our problematic relationships just because we can’t do away with them. We do this until a good opportunity comes along. And as soon as that happens, we drop everything like hot potatoes.
Is this true for you? What are the things that you are keeping just because you have nothing else to replace it with?
“…for the first time… ooOooh Ooooh ooOoooh…”
Still good. Better even. This band’s got talent.
Some people just know how to write good stuff. I wish I could be like them.
I chanced upon (by cyber-stalking, haha…) a blog of a friend of a friend. Curious as always, I read one post. The next thing I knew, I’ve read them all. Some people are just naturally talented in writing. Psychopathic as it may sound, I felt like I knew this person afterwards. I may have injected in my subconscious that we are actually friends. (Cue psycho music…)
* * *
I got a copy of Lee DeWyze’s new album (please don’t laugh), and I think I like it. I filed it under my feel-good-sunny-Sunday-morning-sounds playlist. I need a break from my usual angst-filled grunge music. I need to smile from time to time.
Live. I’ve always been a fan of Windows Live Writer. After trying it out, I got used to it and now, I can’t post without it. This is one highly-recommended freeware. Although it works the same as the blogger editor, I like how I can write posts offline and save them as documents. Today, I just found out that the 2011 version is already available for download. If you are using the older versions, I suggest you switch the new one now. This one has ribbons and better template rendering.
* * *
Live. Live like today is your last day on Earth. I got that from a commercial for one of Angelina Jolie’s older movies showing on some cable channel. After hearing that line, I imagined how nice it would be to do just that. Maybe I should try it out… will I be able pull it off? Haha…
Still, I thought of how nice it would be to be able to tell you how I really feel about you. If today is my last day, I want to tell you everything and everything that is on my mind without hesitations or without thinking of the consequences.
Live. Yeah, live like we’re dying. Do that. Just make sure to kill yourself afterwards if you can’t handle the effects.
I’m going to step up my game. I suggest you do the same. May the best man win. Hehe….
* * *
50%
Forecast: –5%
I have nothing else to write about so I decided to just post all my major nonsensical thoughts for the day.
Years ago, I wrote about how nice it would be to watch a post-apocalyptic zombie-themed TV series. At last, my prayers have been answered.
I just hope they do it right. Dawn of the Dead, Quarantine, 28 Weeks Later – or anywhere within the range of these 3 will do. Just don’t go as low as Diary of the Dead or the other B-grade zombie movies. .
We all have moments like this. We do a lot of things that seems perfect right when we’re doing it but turns out so, so wrong after putting much thought into it.
For quite some time now, I’ve been assuming that I had a chance with someone I admired. So, as you may have predicted – I had my ‘what was I thinking?’ moment earlier today. It’s a good thing that I haven’t really done anything ‘damaging’ yet so, yeah, lucky me.
You shouldn’t be reading this in the first place so don’t go hating me for not giving out the details. Hehe…
* * *
The sin is worth the risk you’re taking. \m/
I was given a bottle of perfume as a gift. I never was a fan of these so, in my whole lifetime, I think I’ve only tried 1 brand of perfume. It was Polo Blue if I remember correctly. The one I just received, which I actually specifically requested for, is a large bottle of Clinique Happy for Men.Of all the fragrances I’ve encountered, this is the only one that made me say “I want this.” I just love its citrusy smell. Now that I have one, I’m hoping that it will smell nice on me.
Vain. Haha… Vanity can be really infectious.
I’m no movie critic. Maybe that is why despite all the negative reviews I’ve read, I still enjoyed The Night Chronicles: Devil. If you like suspense movies, and have money to spare, you may want to check this out.
We spent the weekend mourning the death of one of our grandmothers. We weren’t related by blood and I wasn’t really that close with her but my mother and my grandmother were. They shared a great past together. It turns out that after emigrating from the province, they were the ones who offered shelter to my grandmother here in Manila way back in the 60’s.
Anyway, it wasn’t really a sad and dark weekend despite the death. There were a bit of crying here and there but overall, the atmosphere was still pleasant. I’m not sure how it is with other families but for us, funerals serve as our reunion. Since we don’t get that much funerals (hopefully, we still won’t), we don’t get to see some of our relatives for a very long time.
Last Saturday, I got to meet some of my cousins for the very first time. Neither of us knew of each other’s existence. It was fun meeting them since of all the cousins I’ve met, they were the only ones whom I felt really ‘connected’ with. It’s probably because they were also anti-social like me. After hearing them admit that they do have a world of their own, I immediately felt ‘at home’ with them. Haha… “We really must be relatives." I said to myself.
It was unfortunate though that I wasn’t able to mingle with them longer today as we were seated separately during most of the event. But still, it’s good enough that I get to meet and talk with them the other day. These are the times when I regret not having a Facebook account.
I guess I’ll just see them again after someone else dies.
Magnetic
Nonsensical happiness, endearing
Obsessive urges you incite
Passion, infatuation, adoration and perhaps even more
Effortlessly attractive, you are worth more than you think you do.
An ABC for someone near and dear. I hope I got it right,
* * *
And to you my confused friend: Not everyone stays. I know that - and yet I’m still hoping that you do. You keep me sane.
They serve the best steaks for their price range. Period.
I’m so glad Mark introduced it to us.
Every stone they throw at you allows you to gain more knowledge. You either learn how to adapt to the pain, avoid getting thrown at, or probably even both. Although every hit you take damages you both physically and emotionally, you still manage to move forward as a better person - carrying and picking yourself up amidst the hurt and the despair. In life, there will always be stones along your path and there will always be people more than willing enough to throw them at you. You will get hit intentionally – that is if you are lucky. There will be times where you will be hit by accident and there is nothing you can do about it but shake your head and walk away. Regardless, no matter how much you try avoiding this, you WILL definitely get hit at some point.
Yesterday, a huge rock hit me. It was from someone that I really trusted with my life. Oftentimes, this person would just hit me with very small stones by accident and I would just ignore them. This time however, it really hurt like hell. With all the hate seething inside of me, I threw stones back. Even if I was able to get even, I still felt immense pain. It was so bad that I was crying tears of anger. Yeah… picture me driving home, holding back emotions as tears were rolling down my cheeks. All these while maneuvering through traffic on a lightly tinted car with the whole world to see. Yeah, I know, it was VERY unsightly. Beggars knew well enough not to knock at my window.
So, my friend, if you want to throw more stones at me, now is your chance.
Let’s get this over with.
Part of my blog-writing style is to leave the title field blank. I’ve been doing this since 2002. It is known that blog titles can greatly increase or decrease the level of interest of a visitor. There’s truth to that as the title alone can help me determine if I will be wasting 5 minutes of my time reading an article or not. This is the very same reason why I don’t use titles – I don’t want my posts to be judged based on it… and… I really just want to waste your time. Haha…
So, let me remind you that you’ve already wasted a portion of your life reading this. Those are precious minutes that you can never ever get back. Haha. Just kidding. Today I’ll try to start giving titles to my entries. I hope this works for us both.
If some friends are worth keeping, then obviously, there are those that are not. How can you tell if it’s okay to let go of a friend? I tried to answer that as ‘lawfully-good’ as possible (sorry, nerd terms) and here’s what I came up with:
I’m guessing that as you were reading the bullets above, you’ve probably thought that I was just stating the obvious. Well, to be honest, I was. Sometimes, we just can’t see what is in front of us until it hits us hard on our face.
Sometimes, it really is just about the small things.
The littlest compliment that you gave your co-worker this morning may have been the one that made his or her day. The quick hello, the smile, and the attention that you gave someone you met along the hallway may have been the ego-boost that he or she needed. The empathic nod that you made while listening to a friend may have been the life saver that nobody bothered to give.
And you never even broke a sweat doing so.
Sometimes, the smallest things are those that really count.
* * *
I’m thankful that I’m surrounded by great people both at work and at home. I just needed to remind myself that.
* * *
My sympathy goes to the families of the Chinese tourists that were held hostage by that demented cop yesterday at the Quirino Grandstand. I apologize as all I can do was sigh.
It’s official. I love the massage chair. I could sit on it the whole day.
Our office recently transferred to a new location and we are loving it there. What I like about the place is its new hotel-ish ambiance and of course, the massage chair in our pantry. For the 3 days that we were at the new office, I’ve used it like 10 times already. Haha. I’m planning on using it every day as I sense that it will get broken sometime soon. I need to get the most out of it before it does.
The power of Google Analytics is unbelievable. Did you know I can tell who’s been viewing my blog by using this tool? Yes this is possible. It just boils down to how good you use it and to how well you know your visitors.
* * *
The trap I’ve set has caught something. Hmm… Very interesting.
* * *
I can’t wait to get my hands on a copy of Starcraft 2. I checked the digital download version and I found out that it costs more if you’re going to buy it here in the Philippines than in Singapore. It is priced at around 109SGD here but if you are going to buy it overseas, it will only cost you 95SGD – or so I’ve been told. I think I’ll just go for the retail version. Once I get a hold of an activation key, I’d probably won’t have the patience to wait for the download to finish.
This template that I’ve chosen for my blog doesn’t seem to display right in IE. I just noticed it now since I’ve been using Chrome and Safari for web browsing. Those browsers look way cooler than IE. Anyway, I really don’t care that much as I like how this template looks.
* * *
Most people say I’ve gone too thin that it’s already abnormal. My Annual Physical Exam results says otherwise. It says that I’m overweight with a BMI of 23.44. What the hell? I can’t be any thinner without being classified as malnourished.
I’m going to start putting my weight back in. However, this time, I’m going to try my best to gain it proportionally. I don’t want to look like a walking stick with a big stomach. Hehe…
We celebrated our grandmother’s 85th birthday last weekend in La Luz Beach Resort in Batanggas. The beach itself wasn’t spectacular but the services, the accommodations, and the food were surprisingly good. We enjoyed our overnight stay and we definitely made sure that we ate more than our money’s worth on the buffet. What I like most about our mini-getaway is that once we got there, we didn’t have to think of anything else but have fun. Food was served on time, the place was clean and there were a lot of cabanas and outdoor lounge chairs to accommodate all the guests. Maybe we were just lucky and our timing was just right.
I was craving for chocolate the other day so I went to the grocery and bought every single piece of cheap chocolate available. I bought those that were individually wrapped and were ranging from P5 to P10 only. I intentionally veered away from the imported (US, UK and NZ) ones since they are a bit expensive and I just needed to satisfy this one-time craving. So, what I got instead were those locally made and those that were imported from our neighboring ASEAN countries. Surprisingly, some local brands were actually good. For just P5.00 a bar, I was really satisfied and my cravings went away. The effects were pretty much the same if I ate the P40+ branded ones. I think the only drawback to buying the cheaper chocolates is that if I ate them on a daily basis, I’d probably get cancer from the ‘alternative’ ingredients. Well, regardless if it’s cheap or not, I’d still get diabetes or something if I over indulged. The only difference is, with cheaper chocolate, you’d get save enough money to pay for your medicines. Hehe…
Seriously, I read somewhere once that the expensive imported chocolates are actually healthier. I don’t remember exactly how, but I think it has something to do with the chocolates and sweeteners they use. I am pertaining, of course, to those that weren’t recalled due to salmonella or disease infected dairy.
My aunt got robbed a few hours ago. She was already on her way home on a pedicab when someone from behind her snatched her bag. It’s sad that this happened just a few blocks away from our house. Even our supposedly ‘exclusive’ subdivision is not safe.
Since we really can’t do anything about the stuff that were stolen, all we can do now is just look at the positive side of things. It’s even funny if you think about it – this incident happened while my aunt was on a pedicab. The snatcher was only on foot. This means, he was walking way faster than the pedicab. My aunt even thought of jumping off the vehicle to run after the crooks since they were moving really slow.
Anyway, I know that karma is just lurking around the corner. Those criminals will reap what they sow – in this life or the next.
I used to be scared of hospitals. I always skipped having myself checked-up whenever I feel like something is wrong with my body. I usually self-medicate or just let time heal my illness. This is how I was until today. This afternoon, I found out everything that’s wrong with my body. Of course, at the same time, I learned how to correct them as well. Also, after years of paranoia, I finally had myself screened for most of the major life-threatening sickness that I can possibly acquire. Yes, it did cost me money - but believe me, the price of knowing you are healthy is worth more that anything money can buy. It was also good to know that some of the vaccines that I took as a child are still running in my veins.
I’m going to continue taking care of my body. Corny as it may sound, I now see this as the vehicle of my soul. It may not be a Porsche or a BMW, but who cares as long as it is working fine. Besides, we can only get one chance to ride (sounds so wrong) this body. Unlike cars, we can’t do a complete overhaul when things go wrong. And since I was told that I lack good cholesterol, shabu-shabu and eat-all-you-can sushi restaurants will now be my closest friends.
I love to google.
I google the stuff that I want to buy.
I google the weird things that I see.
I even google my feelings.
To give you an even more clearer picture of how dependent I am on google, here are the weirdest things that I've searched for:
Yes, I did google if I was depressed. I think I even blogged about this years ago. Haha…
Right now, I’m googling the difference between memory foams and latex foams. I’m doing this not because I’ve got nothing better to do but because I’ve finally decided to invest on an orthopedic bed to help reduce my lower back pains.
I also plan to have an executive check up before the week ends so I googled ‘executive check up’. I wanted to know if I should be getting one. Unfortunately, in the process, I found out that this may cost me around P25,000-P30,000. Never mind then.
I wrote about gelato the other day even if I really didn’t have the intention of wasting money on expensive ice cream. Today, What I’m going to write about is something that I did eat earlier. What I ate is better than ice cream – and no, it is not yogurt. This one is not your typical frozen delight but it is equally satisfying at a much, MUCH lower cost.
I was at Market Market earlier today and I noticed this certain food stall that was getting a lot of attention. Curious, I took a peak at what’s going on. After straining my neck from peeking, I’ve verified that all those commotion were only about ‘scramble’, the pinoy version of an ice cone. I’ve never tasted one before. Even as a child, I would have rather spent my allowance on dirty ice cream than on flavored shaved ice. Since a lot of people took the effort to fall in line just to get one, I decided to try it out and verify if it was indeed worth falling in line for. To my surprise, I liked is a lot. The one I got was topped with milk and candy sprinkles. I was literally enjoying it to the last drop. At just P11 per serving (smallest size with a topping), I’d fall in line again anytime to get one.
Success! I went to see the dentist again to have my sensitive teeth fixed. She had a filling replaced with something special that wasn’t ‘quick dry’. I had to spend several minutes airing my tooth out, of course, with my mouth open all the time. My mouth never felt so dry. Anyway, it was worth it. I indulged in ice cream afterwards not feeling any pain at all. By the way, I’ve heard that a gelato shop in Greenbelt – Gelatone, I think, currently has an eat-all-you can offer that costs P500 for 2 people (P250 each). If you love expensive Italian ice cream, I think this is an offer you shouldn’t sit out.
I’ve written this blog entry using Windows Live Writer since the editor in Blogger is not working properly. I’ve read on forums that many other people are getting the same problems with the new Blogger editor and this tool came up as one of the suggested alternate solutions. I wasn’t a fan of Windows Live services before but I think this time, that might change. These tools and services are free by the way so you can try them out as well.
I’ve set up my Hotmail in Outlook 2007. I used to be able to do that before, then Microsoft suddenly removed the feature (I think) and I stopped using Hotmail all together. Now, since my Hotmail is integrated with an offline client once more, I think I’ll be using it - again.
Windows Live services comes as an optional update in Microsoft Update, in case you are interested. I’m not promoting it or anything, I just don’t want this freebie to go unnoticed.
And now, to test if this Live Writer can publish seamlessly with Blogger…
