optimism

It's not like me to anticipate a lucky year ahead, but somehow I think I've changed over the past few weeks.

Happy new year to everyone!

end of days

Yeah, the end of life didn't come... in fact, mine actually just got started.

A world that I once knew ended on the supposedly "end of days" because something better came along and replaced it. And I lol'ed at the emo-ness of my previous statement. Haha...

Anyway, Woot! on these new shirts from Japan! Alright! Yeah! Best gift I've gotten so far. I may not know what the prints say but I like them a lot. I believe these were really meant to be mine. Woot!

Cool shirts! They smell nice too.

i'm on a roll

I can't stress it enough. This is my lucky month.

I just won an iPad mini at our team's Christmas party event. It wasn't easy though because when there were only two of us battling for the prize, they made us sing to determine who gets it. The person who gets the higher score through the videoke machine wins. I sang my lungs out to Pearl Jam's Daughter so hello, iPad Mini!

Not only that, I almost won two iPads. There were two to be given away and I lost the other one on the coin toss. Haha... I guess I'd be greedy if I took both iPads home. This is more than enough already.

Keep 'em coming December, please keep 'em coming. I guess renewing my faith, getting rid of the people who have caused me pain, and accepting new inspiring friends led to all these new-found luck.

Pearl Jam - Daughter (Live)

* * *

It all started last 12.12.12. To the person who I think brought me luck, once you get to read this, I know you'll realize that it all started with that handshake that you have been laughing at.

I hope this winning streak gets to last forever. Hehe....

just in time

The past three days have been crazy. I never had this much fun in years. 12.12.12 gave me something that I really wanted and I can't be thankful enough.

Yes, I know it doesn't sound like me but from time to time, I also post happy thoughts. By doing this, I'll remember the exact dates when they happened.

Yep, this is serendipity at its finest. Sorry for the spam... I just needed to mark these dates.

crappy dime

The Internet is full of trolls. Haha....


Cram-pappy dime.

12.12.12

Who would have thought that December 12, 2012 would bring me so much good news.

December is indeed my favorite month.

I know it's not right too feel good whenever I hear bad things happening to the people I don't like, but sorry, I'm only human. I felt good when:

1. I overheard people backstabbing someone who caused me problems for years. That made me smile because it means that there really is something wrong with him and that people are slowly noticing.

2. A notorious villain who abuses her powers got what she deserves. I heard she was crying over what fate has brought upon her.

But not only that - I also felt good after one of the risks that I've taken produced positive results. Yeah! Alright!

Keep 'em coming, December, keep 'em coming. Hehe.

publicity is publicity

Crap! I am notoriously popular for all the wrong reasons. Haha.

Don't worry, I don't really mind.

lol wtf

I heard a rather juicy gossip about someone who brought me problems years ago.

If you could only hear what other people are saying about you behind your back, you'd think twice about who your true friends really are.

And, it has been validated that with all your excess baggage, identity crisis, and other effing insecurities, you are a cancer to whoever you're with.

Now, to the other visitors who came here looking for more information, I'm sorry to dissappoint you. We had the same reaction when I heard the news. LOL, WTF! Haha...

Now go on, move along... nothing to do here.

commitments

I honestly don't feel like attending an event that I've committed myself to. I only chose to go because I value the friendship that I have with the person who invited me and I was really bored when I got the invitation. Other than that, there are no other reasons. In fact, I may have more reasons not to go - the venue is too far, only a few of my friends are going, and I don't like the event itself.

Crap. What have I gotten myself into now. A part of me wants to honor the commitment I made while another part just wants me to do whatever it is that would make me happy.

Being the selfish person that I am, I think I know what I'll be choosing. But for now, I think it is best if I just sleep on it first.

the ultimate friday

Yes, it's December again. It's the time of the year when my favorite malls are open until 11pm; when the nights are cold and lit in bright festive colors; when gadgets are enticingly affordable; and when I age for yet another year.

Yes, I have plans on buying a gift for myself. I just haven't decided what yet. Despite all the financial challenges I had this year, I still managed to save some money for myself. We all need to spend on ourselves from time to time to keep us motivated and, at the least, sane.

Yes, it's my birthday month so I'm just a little bit extra generous. I've been keeping an eye out for good deals on gifts for my friends and family. I've also sorted the stuff that I'll be donating to charity to score some major positive karma points. Haha. Yeah, I know, we shouldn't be expecting anything in return. Technically, positive karma isn't really retribution. But still, we need to remember that this is the season of giving.

Yes, I haven't said it enough. I love December. It is the Friday of months.
Happy December to everyone!

r and r

We were supposed to go to Batangas for a quick get-together with some friends, however, it got cancelled so I was stuck at home the whole day. With nothing planned and nowhere to go, I just decided to start Part 37 (of 100 installments) of my room-cleanup initiative, tie-dye old clothes that I'm no longer using, and practice plucking some guitar strings.

It's a good thing that our upcoming company-sponsored Christmas party's theme for this year is "retro" so I can just wear the shirts I've dyed and come in as a hippie. Hopefully the shirts turn out okay after I wash them.

I also wanted to have a PT session today for my perpetually aching back but I got tired after dying my shirts and just watched Captain America, which was showing on TV, instead.

Afterwards, while cleaning up my room, I dug up some old shoes that I haven't worn in years - I guess I can just have them donated since they are still pretty much usable. I don't like hoarding stuff so if I've forgotten that something exists, they're either going to the rubbish bin or somewhere else where they are actually wanted.

It hasn't really been a very productive day but it's okay since it wasn't wasted either. But despite the cancelled plans, I'm still happy with the day's outcome. Plus, I have my feel-good soundtrack up most of the time.

Sweet Thing - Change of Seasons

Where I'm going, I don't know. I'm not worrying. I'll just let it go.

Happy weekend, everyone!

damaged ego

You can never be knocked off a pedestal if you don't put yourself on it. It's as simple as that.

Once you get the idea, no amount of humiliation or embarrassment can ever bring you down. We may not agree at first but it is true that one's honor and dignity is best protected with humility.

It's hard to live by this, I know. But these are the facts that we need to accept to make ourselves better.

Whenever you feel embarrased, just be humble, dust yourself up, and move on.

pure genius

I just can't get enough of Love Me Butch's Barricade.

Love Me Butch - Barricade

I still get goosebumps whenever I listen to this. One of the best songs I've heard so far.

bad decisions

We all know that we don't think clearly when we're emotional.

Earlier today, on my way to work, I saw a very unruly driver who kept swerving and cutting cars off. I noticed him because he once tried to cut me but failed. After trying it for a second time, he was able to get ahead of me. However, for some reason, he kept changing into the wrong lanes and I would go past him again as he got stuck behind a jeepney or a car making a turn. He would then speed up again, swerve, and cut cars to catch up. I know that he wasn't in any emergency because he didn't have his hazard signal on. I think he was just really impatient.

Having a defective car horn, I've trained myself to become a defensive driver. Every time I encountered him, I just let him overtake me. I just kept thinking that maybe he really needs to do a number 2.

Unfortunately for him, not all drivers think like me. So, after I let him get in front of me, he changed lanes and tried to cut off a van upfront. He was able to do so but he did it wrong and he almost hit the van. Because of this, the van screeched to a halt and we drove past it. Now this is where it got exciting. I was in between them so I saw all the action. As it turned out, the driver of the van was also hot-headed. I was watching from my rear-view mirror as the van sped up and recklessly tried to catch up with us. Of course I gave way because I wanted to see what he was up to. The van was able to catch up with the car and he was provoking the other driver by either driving too close or by trying to cut him off at high speed. He did that twice. On his third try, something went wrong. He miscalculated and actually hit the side of the car. I knew this because I almost got hit by the debris that came off of the car. At that point, they were still at it, provoking each other, and I was like cheering "Woooot!" It was like watching a car-chase scene from an action movie. I wanted to see what will happen next but unfortunately, I was already near my turn and I'm already late for work.

I don't know what happened to them but I do  hope they both learned their lessons. We are most likely to do stupid things when we are emotional.

Now, come to think of it... Based on recent surveys, we were ranked as the most emotional country. Is it also possible that because of this, we also rank high in doing really stupid sh*t? Hmmm... It would make sense though.

online people-power

In a society where anything and anyone can get sensationalized online, it would be wise to just be careful and be mindful of your actions in public.

The flavor of the month, the supposedly lying (la-ying) student who reprimanded a security guard for some unknown reason, is now so popular that she now has her own catch phrase and meme. To be honest, I didn't even view the video. I knew once it appeared on my feed that this would be another case of "cyber-bullying the real-life bully" that would eventually transition into "protecting the cyber-bullied, misunderstood bully." It's just a never-ending cycle that we're all too familiar with.

With our culture heavily influenced by telenovelas, we rally and rally against an oppressor until we overdo it. We pity the oppressor who now has become the victim. We quote human rights to protect the initial oppressor and blame society and the unrully un-named masses. We forgive the oppressor. Then, optionally, we vote for the now-popular oppressor who have decided to run for office. Then we find another bully to glorify and the cycle goes on.

Anyway, going back to the topic, people should already know by now that whatever you do offline can easily get immortalized online and that anything posted on the Internet can be scrutinized by easily-rallied, anonymous, and self-righteous masses. Even this blog post can't escape that truth.

So, again, in a society where anything and anyone can get sensationalized online, it would be wise to just be careful and be mindful of your actions in public. Unless, of course, you're really seeking the attention.

new updates available

Alright! The Blogger app for Android has been updated! At long last!

I'm trying it out right now and I'm liking the new layout. I hope I get to post more entries using this tool.

The only issue I have for now is that I haven't figured out yet how to pick from the labels I've already used.

Android Blogger App 

great pretender

A friend once told me that I was a great pretender. He didn't mean it as an insult but it wasn't a compliment either. I believe he just called me out on it to make me stop and ponder on what I'm doing.

This little incident happened back when I was still a teenager - some time after high school, I believe. Admittedly, my friend was spot-on about it.

When I was still young, acceptance from my peers, and from society in general, was very important to me. I struggled to keep myself updated with all of the things that were popular; I forced myself to like the things that I don't really show interest in; I did stuff that I don't normally do and don't even like; All for the sake of fitting-in.

I remember that day very clearly since it had become one of the most important events in my life. It was a bright, sunny afternoon. It was at the mall near our school. I was eating snacks with some friends who I was trying really hard to impress. The topic was sports. People who know me knows that I'm not athletic. On that day, however, nobody knew for sure and I wanted to make people believe that I was so that I could be "in." Surprisingly, I pulled it off. I fooled the people around me... well, except for this single friend. He saw through my ruse and he called me out on it with a smirk. That made me stop. He did it correctly though since I didn't get offended nor humiliated.

What he did struck me hard. Since then I no longer pretend to be someone I'm not just to get the approval of the people around me. I have had a few slip-ups every now and then when I'm caught off guard but I make sure that I don't follow it through. Maybe this is also the very reason why I only keep a small circle of friends. I keep only those who accepted me for who I am.

So far, I believe I have made the right choice. I haven't really thanked that friend for what he did so this is why I'm posting this. I'm just going to thank him by paying it forward.

Now, this one is for you, my other friend. I think you know who you are.

I know you are putting on a mask to get the approval of people that you think is important in your life. I suggest you stop for a while and think about what you are doing. I can see through your ruse and I'm calling you out on it.

metaphors

My insatiable hunger is currently on. This usually happens when I've got my eyes set on something I can't seem to have. Why does my desperation have to translate to food? Why can't it be success instead? Or drive? Or anything else more beneficial and productive?

I've just finished eating bacon. With rice. And Jalopenos... Yes, jalopenos... Everything tastes great with jalopenos lately. I just hope I didn't get eat too much since it's already late in the evening.

Anyway, I need to do something about this. I'm just writing it down to acknowledge that there is a problem and that I need to address it soon. My subconscious associates the things that I've been wanting so badly with bacon, pork chops, and steak. If this is a subliminal metaphor, then it looks like I may have more issues on my plate than I've originally thought of.

Oh, well.

And now, to make things worse, I've got chocolate on my mind. Toblerone to be specific. Damn it.

liking the suspense

I sometimes scare myself with the stuff that I do. I don't know if what I'm doing is right but I've just recently learned something important that makes me want to still do it. I have learned that the regret that you'll feel after doing something incorrectly is nothing compared to the regret that you'll feel when you didn't try it at all.

Yep, if you fail, things may not have gone the way you wanted but, at least, you can put it behind you and move on.

This week, I've got my eyes set on something (Or someone? Haha, just kidding. But you'd never really know now, would you?) And for a week now, I've been doing a lot of things I don't normally do. I've gotten risky and I've been putting my faith on lady luck more than I should. So far, I'm thankful that I haven't sabotaged myself... yet. And to be honest, I'm still hopeful that I can be able to pull it off.

In the end, even if I fail, what's important is that I get to experience whatever it is that I went through. And along with it, gain the knowledge that I need to succeed the next time.

Wish me luck, guys. If you pray, please do pray for me. I need both. Haha.

jai guru deva, om

"Nothing's gonna change my world."

Everyday we go through different trials. The universe constantly challenge us by testing how far our patience can go, by driving us to the edge of our breaking points, and by questioning our beliefs and our faith in whatever it is that we believe in.

There are times when we think that it is easier to just give up. We think about why we have to go through all these pain and suffering. Disillusioned from thinking too much, we just let things get the better of us.  We let our patience run out. We break down. We stop believing.

I do that a lot. Yes, I do because I have a lot of freaking spare time to think about all these bad things happening in my life that normal people don't. But, admit it - sometimes, you are like me. There were times when you did not get what you want, felt low, and dwelt on it for the longest time. For sure, there were instances when you felt people didn't like you, and you got deeply affected by it. There were phases in your life when bad luck came one after the other... making you doubt if there isn't any more to life than getting over these misfortunes; leaving you dreading the next one that may come tomorrow. And every night, you stare blankly into the darkness, trying not to think too much about these. But you can't.

Obviously, I do not know the solution to life. Just look at me, I'm a mess. Haha...

Every individual have different coping mechanisms. Some sulk and contemplate suicide. Some just give the cold shoulder and keep these feelings buried deep inside. Some escape, distracting themselves with material things, friends, or whatever tickles their fancy. And some just keep looking at the bright side, hoping that they can sustain this point of view each and every time.

I don't know, for now, which among these is the correct way. But I know one thing is for sure. I know that it helps to keep an open mind. It helps to stop thinking. I helps to just let go and just be aware.

Jai guru deva, om.

I hope I get to sleep soundly tonight.

If you know this song, listen to it with me. I hope I can be in the same state of mind as the famous person who wrote it.

I'm sorry, John, but this version relaxes me more.

Beatles - Across the Universe (Fiona Apple Cover)

e-martial law?

I've got 10 years worth of blog posts that I need to censor because of this new anti-cyber-libel law.

If you've ever said anything defamatory online, whether it be a harmless sarcastic joke, a supposedly helpful in-your-face constructive criticism, or a straight-up insult... better take them down as soon as you can. You're looking at a 12-year sentence or a 1 million Peso fine if someone rats you out. And yeah, since apparently, this law transcends time, everything counts as long as it is still published online.

I'm pretty sure that flaming in forums can also be considered libelous with this new law. Good luck backtracking and deleting all those posts you made when you didn't agree with someone. They will come back to haunt you - even if you've hidden yourself behind an alias.

Read more about it here.

penny is poison

"blushing a cue for her falsities
advantage is my only masterpiece"

Sometimes we think that we understand the people close to us. Every time they show their vulnerabilities, we think that we know better and that it is our job to help them out. We sympathize and we analyze. We know that we've got things figured out and we have the solution.

"penny is poison but I don't mind"

We act on good intentions. We extend our knowledge, our opinions, our assistance... for we're sure that what we have to offer is what they need.

"gardening malice for murderers
flushes to me are the weeds to her"

But in reality, we don't. We're just intruding, feigning empathy and judging. We force unto them our ideas. We talk but we don't listen. We blame them for not doing the things that we believe is right. We reprimand and express disappointment - never thinking that we are just fueling a flame that causes irreversible damage.

"starving the love of the marvelous
I was the penny to previous"

The outcome we've expected doesn't come. We give up but we don't back down. In our minds we still believe that we hold the solution and that what we're doing is right. We didn't do anything wrong.

And we don't realize what we're really doing until somebody else do it to us.

"We know who we are."

Yes, we know who we are.

* * *


Each good song can have several different interpretations. Although the words that make it up have definite meanings, the totality of it can mean absolutely anything. We, as individuals, are all like the words that make up a song. We know who we are as a person, but once put together, we don't really have a clue what we have formed. We don't really know what we have become together. It may be something good, it may be something subliminally destructive, or it may just be plain nonsense.

You may have an interpretation based on how you relate to it, and I may see it differently.

The Verve Pipe - Penny is Poison

holy sh*t movie scenes

I watched Insidious again. Since I was trying to cut down on horror movies for the past few years, I never got to watch this movie from start to finish. The only time I saw the whole film was when I was hanging out in my parent's room, soldering something I can't remember, with Ma and Dad watching it. Coincidentally, that was also Dad's last night. That was the last movie he ever saw before he died the next morning.

Anyway, even after watching it for a few more times after, there is this one scene that never fails to scare the hell out of me. It was the scene with the guy pacing back and forth by the window right after the mother woke up from her bad dream. It was effing crazy the first time I saw it and it still give me the creeps even upto now. It also doesn't help that I sleep by a large window as well. I tried searching for a clip of it in YouTube but the only one posted has really bad video quality. The clip in YouTube was a recording of a TV playing the scene which kinda took away the eerie effects.

I have had other holy sh*t moments in horror movies - like the scene with the gun-wielding kid in "The 6th Sense," the elevator scene in the original "The Eye," and the dropping-the-keys-while-the-spooky-guy-is-coming-at-you scene in "Sigaw" - but I think this one trumps them all. I suggest you watch Insidious and let me know if I'm right about it being scary. Hehe...

Good night and sweet dreams!

catharsis

And then it was over. 3 years and 5 months. Things will never be the same again.

purpose of [this blog’s] being

Everyone loves it when other people read their blogs. I admit that I do too. It may not seem like it but I like the attention that I’m getting from it even if it’s coursed through a static webpage.

However, this doesn’t necessarily mean that I like to talk about what I write. The reason why I keep a blog is because sometimes I feel much more comfortable offloading my emotions on a webpage rather than talking about it with friends and family. Some things are just better off un-discussed (if there is even such a word). Besides, if I wanted a discussion, I would have gone with Facebook. Nothing there gets by unnoticed.

So, if you are reading this, please do continue reading my posts or come back whenever you feel like it. Don’t ever feel obliged to check up on me every time I post something weird, emotional, or even creepy because it’ll just be very awkward for the both of us. You can tell me however that you read my blog often and that you admire my really complex mind and that I’m really such a praise-worthy person and all that. Haha... just kidding.

simple plans

We all hate it when things don’t go according to plan. Since the beginning of the year, I can’t seem to focus on a goal because of several critical factors that kept forcing me to change directions.

Every time I’d think of a gameplan, something beyond my control renders it useless. It has become annoying because it’s almost half-way through the year and I’ve yet to accomplish anything.

I am hoping that everything falls into place soon. I’m getting really confused and my patience has been slowly wearing out.

I’m praying for patience to get me through this. Yes, patience, not strength because if God gives me the latter, I’m gonna go berserk and I’ll be smashing everything in my way that even The Hulk will be scared sh*tless.

of bards and poets

I’m easily awed by people who can sing. I don’t know why, but I have great respect for people who do – especially those who can perform (emphasis on ‘can’) on stage in front of an audience.

Maybe this is because singing has been one of the things that I really wanted to do but couldn’t or maybe I really just appreciate music, poetry, and talent a lot.

So, to all you great singers (and musicians as well), I salute you. Please be my friend. Haha…

shameless plug

Since I look at blogging as a very daunting task, I’ve decided to try other channels that I can use to vent out my frustrations.

Twitter was one of the options that I was considering. I’ve set up an account years before but I didn’t get to use it because I was too lazy to read the disclaimers on privacy. Scared of the complications that may arise from using that service, I just uploaded an old picture, tweeted once, and just left it sitting there, accumulating dust.

Then, I read from an article that too much privacy can also hurt you. The lack of publicly available information can be as equally damaging as negative publicity. What I’ve picked up from it was that I shouldn’t be too concerned with privacy on social sites just as long as I regulate my content with diligence.

With that, I installed a Twitter app and started posting away. So far, it has been a great substitute to blogging and I find it really therapeutic. I get to post more often plus grammatical errors and misspellings are widely accepted there.

So, if you want to read more about the stupid things that I do, follow me at twitter.com/stupidlout.

a higher purpose

Is there more to life than this?

We all ask this from time to time. Whenever we encounter things that frustrate us (or whenever we’re just bored), we sometimes ask ourselves… is this really it? Is this really all that’s meant for me? Is <insert frustration from list below here> all that I will ever look forward to?

Select a frustration:

• Accumulating debts / paying bills
• Constant failures
• Rejection

In my opinion, the answer to this is simple. If we think this way, then we’re just selfish, self-absorbed jerks who take things for granted, want more for ourselves, and demand attention by sensationalizing self-pity. Yep. That’s about it.

Now, on a serious note, we usually ask this question whenever we picture a ‘better’ version of our lives on our minds. We long for something we don’t currently have. What we don’t know is that what we have is already more than enough. It may already be more than we can handle.

So let’s stop and think for a second… Do we really need to be frustrated about these things (or do we really have to be bored)? Do we have to be always in debt when, in reality, we already have a lot of earthly possessions? Do we have to worry about getting rejected over and over again when a lot of people have already accepted us. Or do we have to stress about failing yet again when we haven’t really celebrated our latest achievement yet.

We should learn to appreciate what we have now no matter how insignificant it may seem. Yeah, I know it’s too preachy and sh*t and it doesn’t really give justice to the question, but still… uhm…

Well… uhm… Yeah! Download complete!!! I’m just talking nonsense here. I’m wide awake in the middle of the night suffering from a sleeping disorder. I’ve just finished stalking people in Facebook. And I was just waiting for this torrent to finish. So… please don’t mind my ramblings.

What was I saying again? Oh, well… nothing to do here.

prolonging the inevitable

I've just nominated a colleague for a very prestigious award. It wasn't like me to do that because I usually think of myself first. I would usually say that it's me who should be nominated for such awards. As I was composing my nomination letter, a realization suddenly struck me. I grasped that I'm no longer motivated to be the best at what I do.

It has been like that since the beginning of 2011. I have been telling myself that I will pick up my pace again, hopefully, before the year ended. Unfortunately, that did not happen.  I wasn't able to recover from my 'series of unfortunate events.' And I don't think I will anytime soon.

Maybe my motivation will no longer return. Maybe it is time for me to quit and start anew somewhere else. Or maybe I should just stop thinking.

a material world

During Christmas, you can tell who among your friends are materialistic… thanks to Facebook and Twitter. Immediately after checking my feeds, I was reminded of why I’m not a fan of social networking sites. I read 5 almost consecutive posts about the wonderful… insert really expensive gift here… that my friends received. At first, since I’m only human, my reaction was to be bitter, saying “Braggarts!” out loud (in our local dialect, of course.) But then, after calming down, I asked myself if maybe these friends were just too thankful for what they got and they want the whole world to know how appreciative they are.

Hmm... Yeah, right.

What say you? If by publicly announcing your gratitude for the new high-end and still-expensive iPhone 4s or the new top-of-the-line SUV you’ve received, are you really thankful? Or do you really just:

• want your friends to be jealous?
• want to satisfy your need to appear financially superior than others?
• insensitive of other’s feeling?
• all of the above.

I'm not bitter. Really.