Softmice

Sana may reset settings. :(

Lola Lydia

Lola passed away yesterday. She was turning 96 in July. Although we knew that she only had a few years left on her, her death still took us by surprise. It all happened so suddenly. She was still doing fine a few days ago but then she just started losing appetite and things came snowballing fast. She suddenly started having problems breathing and the next thing we knew, she was gone.

I love my Lola so much. I was her favorite. I was Lola’s boy. With both my parents away at work back then, it was Lola who was with me all the time. You know how when we were kids and it was our first day at school, we’d cry for a day until we see familiar faces again? That was Lola for me, both literally and figuratively.

During the times when I felt insecure of the attention given to my siblings (as I was a middle child), I always remember that I am Lola’s boy and I have nothing to be jealous of.

When we were malling as kids, it was Lola’s hand that I hold so that I’ll feel safe. That remained true even as I got older and even when the roles have reversed. I may be holding her hand to guide her because she can’t walk by herself anymore, but the truth is, I still hold her hand because I feel comfort whenever I do so.

Lola was my foundation and I am who I am because of her. I’ve always admired how selfless and kind-hearted she was. Always putting everyone else above herself. She was a simple grandmother. She never desired anything for herself. All she cared about was taking care of us, her family.

I’m having a hard time accepting she’s now gone because I always felt that she deserves to be rewarded more in this world. That’s how great of a person she is for me. But, I also just remind myself that she’s gone to be a better place now, a place where her knees don’t hurt anymore. And that I should be happy for her.

I miss you so much, Lola Lydia. I’m sorry I didn’t take your goodbyes seriously and I’m sorry I wasn’t able to thank you for everything you’ve done for me. Please take your well-deserved rest in heaven and don’t worry about us anymore. I love you so much.

fate, the unforgiving villain

She looked up to him with apologetic eyes and with a smile, she said "I'd love to go out with you sometime, but, unfortunately, I'm already seeing someone else."

Embarrassed and with blood slowly draining from his face, he tried regaining his composure. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know." He flashed a weak smile, backed-up a couple of steps, and mindlessly turned around, almost hitting another guy passing by. "I'm sorry." He whispered to the guy. He then looked back at her direction. This time flashing a confident smile as he realized how funny he must have looked just now. He isn't usually that clumsy and he does have enough self-confidence to just brush the incident off so he just let out a chuckle.

She found him adorable as he laughed the tension in the air away. She laughed with him softly. There was something about him that she found interesting. "Maybe if things were a bit different, I guess it'd be cool."

"Yeah, I guess it would." He replied as he started walking away. "I'll see you around."

She watched him disappear in the crowd as her stare went blank. She kept silent for a minute or two for she knew there's something wrong.

Peter Wright

The Fleeting Little Life of Peter Wright

A few days ago, I ran into this video above. I am subscribed to one of its writers/directors, Sammy Paul, and I am a fan of his work. To be honest, I really can't make out some of the words because of their accent and the auto-generated subtitles are just weird - but for those dialogue that I was able to grasp, it left me thinking... what if this is it?

"Ultimately, it's all pointless; But then, what does that even mean? As a species, we seem obsessed with finding a purpose, a point to everything, but maybe there isn't one... or maybe there is and this is it."

Alright.

I grew tired of having to whine about the same crap over and over again so I just stopped. And so did my posts. 

Over the past few months, I think I've changed a little bit. Instead of ranting anonymously on an unknown blog that nobody reads, I chose to interact with real people. Yes, it's not usually like me but I do feel that it was about time for me to step out of my comfort zone and build relationships with real people.

"See what happens."

In my age, finding new friends is a real challenge. The best bonds are indeed formed when you are young. Unfortunately for me, I was a very proud a-hole back in the days. I never did took care and appreciated my friends because I had the mindset that I can just always replace them with new and better ones. 

I have never been so wrong. Well, there is no use crying over spilled milk. 

Anyway, I was able to gain new friends. Some were honest, some were casual, and some were just based on mutual parasitic symbiosis (I made that up. I forgot the correct scientific term. Haha.) For a time, I tried the "Yes Man" mentality and just exposed myself to a lot of different stuff. Technically, it wasn't really a lot since I don't have that much friends and I didn't actually get a lot of invites. But still, I gave my cynical introverted inner voice a rest and experienced life differently.

"See what happens."

Best Fight Scene Ever!

While binge watching my favorite TV shows, I came across this amazing fight scene from Marvel's Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D.

Skye's Amazing Single Shot Fight Scene
Wow. I had to watch this several times more. It's really bad ass!

I wonder how much effort was put into filming that. There were no cuts, and the choreography and timing had to be perfect. I hope this becomes the standard in fight scenes.

carry on

Haha... that's about it. Hahaha.... That's all that can come out of my mouth after re-reading my previous posts.

This is the very reason why I publish this blog. When I look back at the things that I've been doing, I either amaze myself or I just cringe in utter embarrassment.

They say history repeats itself. I believe it does. And 14 years of blog posts attests to that.

The good thing that comes out of documenting my blunders is that I get to reflect on the sh*t I've done and I can learn from them. It does feel good when I read a post I've written that I don't completely agree with anymore; It just means I learned something from it.

I went back to reading my blog after being idle for 5 months because I'm in the exact same situation now with my last post - but this time, with different characters. Surprisingly, sometimes, you yourself can be your source for enlightenment. (That. And the few close friends of mine are already tired of hearing the same predicaments over and over again so I really don't have a choice. Hehe...)

Yes, history does repeat itself if you don't take time to analyze what you've done wrong. It's a good thing that this time, I kinda' feel that the "past" me was wrong about my current dilemma.  So, Past Me, here's a video for you:

Kansas - Carry On Wayward Son
***
I confess that I only heard this song from Supernatural, which I won't deny that I'm a fan of, but hey, cut me some slack, I wasn't even alive when this song came out. 

excited much

6 more hours until someone important arrives. The sin is indeed worth the risk I'm taking but I'm very hopeful that something good will come out of this.

14 more days of anticipation for my overdue R&R. Yep, some much needed time-out from all these confusion would help me get to see the ball rolling (literally and figuratively) in time for the new year. Woot!

6 more weeks to go before I age another year and it's been one hell of a ride so far. A lot of unusually unhappy events unexpectedly yielded good results for me on my 33rd. I've got 6 more weeks to appreciate and to be thankful for them before another chapter in my life begins.

No, no, no, no... I will never forget.

  30 Seconds to Mars - Closer to the Edge
No, no... I will never regret.
Happy, Friday!