Hahaha... I wanted to post responses to your comments on my previous entries but I decided to create this separate entry for that instead.

I'm back to my senses once again after a long gruesome week. As I read my previous posts, I said to myself: 'ang drama nga.' Hahaha... please do forgive me for that, it just so happened that for the week that went by, I really felt soooo alone. Nangyayari pala yun... For one week, everything went away and problems poured in all at the same time.

How would you feel if for one week, all these happened to you?

1. Your best friend and break buddy went out of town for vacation.
2. Another best friend went overseas for good.
3. Your new friend, with whom you decided to invest on, left you empty-handed for another friend.
4. Your ever-reliable PC was returned to the vendor for repairs and you will not get it back for a week.
5. The electricity and the lights on your bedroom suddenly decided to just go haywire leaving you miserable under the glow of a 10-watt lamp.
6. Something bad came up at work leaving you extremely busy.
7. You had to go to work on weekends doing stuff that you hate.
8. No one replied to your texts when you asked them if they were free for the weekend.
9. You have no one to talk to about your problems.
10. You had a fight with your parents about simple car problems.
11. You have no one to eat your lunch with. Either your other friends were absent or they've already eaten before your break.
12. A partridge in a pear tree... ay mali... wrong list...

Glad I was able to get through all that. No matter how strong I thought I was, its true that we all do falter sometimes. And last week was most certainly not my week.

Andrama naman dito. It's getting boring. Hahaha... Let's go for a commercial break first.

Greyhoundz' new single is out. It's been a long time since I last listened to music of this category.

'Bat ka ba nagpapasunog sa sarili mong apoy? Kapit ng mahigpit, wag kang bumitaw.'

Such inspirational words behind such angry music. I miss moshing. It has been 3 since my last mosh. Don't know if I can carry myself anymore.

I was able to patch up the relationship I broke up yesterday. Although, however I may dress up the wounds, its scars will always be there.

What happened yesterday got me thinking - Am I investing on the right people? I've been giving them all my time and attention but during the times when I needed them the most, I had to exert effort just to get them to comfort me. If I needed to give out something first, I would have instead paid a prostitute to give me pretentious affections, false flattering and shallow physical satisfaction. Honestly, that would have cheered me up better.

I'm not referring to all of my friends here. Someone at the office offered to listen, which is what I needed that time. Some, even when far away, would get out of their way just to go online and chat with me. An old friend, who I lost contact with over the months, made an effort to ask me how I was doing over dinner and beer. Even you took time to read my posts. Perhaps I'm really investing on the wrong set of people.

As for my recuperating relationship, after we fixed things up yesterday, I was told, "I will make it up to you." Problem is, I'm the type of person who doesn't forgive and forget easily. Like with most patient people, we don't get hurt easily but once we do get hurt, our shields will be up 200 percent.

I don't get it also. I've got a loving family. My father is not a drunkard and my mother doesn't have vices either. My siblings aren't problematic and our family is somehow 'well to do.' We're not burried in debts, we have no enemies. I have a nice and stable job and I have a little extra money to cater my luxuries. I'm surrounded by great friends - not that close, but close enough. I've got a lifestyle that others envy. Above all these, why do I always feel sad?

Like what I once told a friend, I don't have 'inborn' problems so I usually make my own dramas. And just this morning, I made a terrible mistake that I'm now regretting. I don't know why I did it but it surely made me miserable today. No, I haven't killed anyone yet, but I did kill a good relationship. I really am sorry I did that and now I don't know what to do next.

Have you ever terminated a relationship? 'Relationship' doesn't necessarily mean 'romance' so no, I'm not talking about getting busted. This morning, I closed my doors to a good friend of mine - I have my reasons but now I'm thinking my reasons were shallow. I can't undo what I did... I can apologize but I think that would just do nothing. I can open up my doors again, but the problem is, no one will be on the other side anymore.

I won't be going to work tonight. I filed a vacation leave to sleep the day away.

* * *

Josh and Allen are addicted to the Bejeweled 2 installed on my Tungsten. They keep on topping each other's scores and I kinda got hooked to it as well. Hahaha... They finally surpassed my 500,000 points benchmark.

* * *

This way to Neil.

Just follow the arrows and you'll see the biggest moron there is.

I think its over now. I'm done with it and I don't care anymore. Hehehe... and I'm talking nonesense nonsense (ayan na po, hahaha). In the future, if incase I read this little post I made, I'll probably say to myself, what the hell was I thinking doing that.

Hmmm... Friendster now has its own web logs. Too bad they chose to create their own instead of supporting RSS feeds. It took me days to configure my blogger feeds just to have it displayed on my user profile in Friendster. I didn't succeed in doing that and I've wasted so much time in it. Now they've set up their own blogs. Hmmm... I created an account there but I have no plans to update that YET. I don't want to copy and paste all the stuff that I write here to that either, but hey, might as well keep that URL secured.

* * *

It's really hot. It's really hard to sleep at noon if you don't have air conditioning - which I don't have. Good thing we're changing shifts next month. I'll still have time to enjoy the summer.

* * *

I try hard not to let it show but incase this certain someone still haven't noticed it yet, I'm also getting tired of having to make things work out smoothly between the two of us. Might as well forget it and move on.

Hehehe.. this is nothing, just a little something out of my random episodes.

I'm a very possessive monster. I tend to get jealous easily. This is one of the many things that I need to change - if I keep this up, I'll probably end up with nothing to be jealous about at all.

My PC is busted again so I'm using my sister's while she is away. I just bought that stupid thing last December and I had it serviced twice already. I'm not going to buy that specific brand anymore. Cheap is really cheap indeed.

Norman is currently enjoying his vacation somewhere out there. I wish I was too. I'm planning to take a leave on Friday just to gather my thoughts, I've been much stressed lately and I need to unwind a little. I'll probably go out with my old friends just to have something different to talk about aside from work. I miss Corinne at times like this. Hehehe...

I already asked Ken out this Saturday. It's been a while since we last talked so there's going to be a lot of catching up to do. Sure hope we're still friends after what I did to him. Hehehe... Anyway, I heard he has plans to get married sometime next year. Time sure is fast and I'm really getting old.

I saw 'Samara' yesterday. I saw it because I have nothing else to watch. As of yesterday, it official, I really am not a fan of creepy Japanese-style horror flicks. Watch Hide and Seek instead if I were you.

* * *

It’s been a very busy week at the office. I've got my shot at being an 'assuming' leader while balancing my other responsibilities on my fingertips. It was fun though. I get to boss people around. Hahaha...

I didn't know that I was a control freak, but come to think of it, the signs were showing before... my laziness was just overriding it.

* * *

I know you don't know this, but the more I avoid you, the more I want to see you... musta na kaw?

I'm tired of getting hurt.

Corinne, one of my very bestest friends, will be leaving for Indonesia today. I'm sad because I never got to see her one last time. I spoke with her last night and she said she probably won't come back here again. It's sad because it was my fault that I didn't bother returning her calls until it was too late. Well, like the song goes... you don't know what you got until it’s gone. Waaaa, I'll surely miss our storytelling sessions over the phone, our almost nightly gimmicks back then, your controversial mishaps, and everything else in between. It’s sad but it’s not the end of the world. I know our path will cross again in the future. With her 'kakulitan', I just know. You will be missed, Ms. Hebron.

* * *

Warranty excludes damages from acts of God. Yep, that is what my new toy's warranty said. If God just suddenly wanted to strike lightning at my new toy, I'm done for.

* * *

My super proxy, Enan, just made my day. I was browsing my friends list in Friendster and guess what; he had his name changed to 'stupidlout' as well. Hehehe... Nice. Just hope he doesn't turn up like Robert De Niro in Hide and Seek. Hahaha...

Speaking of Hide and Seek, I've been getting a lot of mood swings lately. Hala... Schizophrenic self-proclaimed genius? I think I saw this in a movie once. Hehehe...

Its all crap.

I've been busy lately with my new toy. I bought a new Tungsten T5 WiFi Edition and I've been setting it up for the past few days. I've set up a wireless network at the office as well to test it out. Now I won't be eating for 1 year just to pay for this. Hehehe...

I'm happy with my new toy.
I'm happy at the office again. I've just been paranoid over some stuff before. So if you have noticed, some texts were removed from my previous posts. Haha...

I'm happy with my friends. Yep, that includes you and all the people keeping me company even just through simple YM messages (especially this someone in particular. Hahaha. Joke lang. Chismis.)

Happy, happy, joy, joy.

Natatandaan mo ba kagabi
Apat na oras tayong nagbabad sa telepono
Inabutan na tayo ng umaga no'n
Ngunit bakit ngayon, malamig ka bigla
Magdamag na sa tabi mo, wala man lang "hello"

Hello, hello, hello
Naririnig mo pa ba ako?
Kung wala na tayo sa telepono
'Pag nandito na tayo sa tunay na mundo
Hello, 'di na kita naiintindihan
Malabo na ba ang linya sa ating dalawa
Hello, gising ka pa kaya?
Hello, nahihilo na ako sa 'yo

Tuwing gabi 'pag nagriring ang telepono
Ikaw ang naiisip ko
Tumawag ka, tumawag ka
O, please tumawag ka naman
Dahil kailangan lang marinig ang boses mo

O, ngayong gabi, managinip
Managinip ulit tayo sa sarili nating mundo

Telepono - Sugarfree

Like the characters on this series I'm watching, I too am LOST. Did you know that the hobbit, Merry is in this series? Doesn't look anything like a hobbit at all. Hehehe...

Pope John Paul II died sometime this morning. I remembered Norman asking me: "May sakit si Pope John Paul II, nalulungkot ka?"

Hehehe...

Sure hope the pope's soul is resting peacefully in heaven.

I was supposed to study today - but I left my manuals at the office. Wise.

The number of people that I'm comfortable with is growing thinner by the second. I don't like what's happening at the office anymore. Although I'm not directly affected by what's going on, still, I can't stop myself from thinking about what will happen in the future.

- Some text missing. -

Probably it's also time for me to grow up.

On the lighter side of things, I've got something to be happy about. Loosing old friends gave me the opportunity to gain new friends - hmmm... well 1 new friend actually. And no, it's not my eye candy, unfortunately; it's actually some guy - "Aha, sabi na nga ba bading ka Neil e." Hehehe. Well, it's okay; it's hard to get good friends these days anyway.

* * *

I spoke with JP just before I published this. Once again, thanks JPs for the advice. The anger I had when I was typing the message above seems to have subsided greatly.