Yeah. It’s been that long. Three decades of eccentricity.
* * *
I’m looking forward to a better 2011. Next year will be my lucky year. I just know it.
Merry Christmas and a happy new year to everyone. Please do make sure you enjoy the holidays. I’m off to do my last minute Christmas shopping. I hope there’s not a lot of people at the malls – haha, such wishful thinking.
Finally patched things up with the center of my universe. No more emo crap from me. Fo shizzle. Haha… and just in time for my birthday.
This is the best gift I could ever wish for.
I had lunch with Ken today. This was long overdue as this was scheduled to have happened almost a year ago. I’m glad I bumped into him at our company Christmas party over the weekend. The timing couldn’t have been better.
Norman, my best friend, will be back in the country in a few weeks. The timing is, again, impeccable.
I guess someone out there really does watch over me. During these times of need, I could really use some friends who I can rely on.
* * *
I currently have a one-sided relationship with someone. One-sided because I have been treating him like a brother but I have not been getting the same treatment in return. With this realization, I’ve been shutting him out for the past few days. I haven’t got a thing to lose by doing so and I just don’t want another bad investment. Anyway, I’m going to try to do a status check tomorrow. There’s nothing a simple chat couldn’t fix.
You know what I should do? I should focus all these emo sh*t energies into something more productive. I’ve yet to figure out how but I promise that I will try my best to come up with something that’s therapeutic (aside from blogging) at the least.
2010 just brought out the worst in me. It’s time for another paradigm shift.
Paradigm. Haha… I finished college without ever knowing how to pronounce this word.
Anyway, let me just pile these skeletons first in my closet before I bring out my drawing board of unfulfilled dreams. Haha… Emo sh*t kicking in again… must… resist…
If my brother can hear me now, he would probably say: “Why haven’t you killed yourself yet? Nevermind, you’ll probably just do it wrong anyway.” Haha… This is how we usually let each other know that we care.
* * *
2011. With the new year comes a new set of resolutions. Surprisingly, I was able to complete my resolution for 2010 – it was to get rid of my beer belly. No, I don’t have a six pack yet, I just got rid of the extra flab on my abdominal area. I actually needed to do this to keep my back from hurting. Speaking of six packs, I don’t like having toned abs – it reminds me of cockroaches. I don’t know why, but it does. Ewww.
I know! This year, I’ll try boxing. I’ll practice my punches so that the next time I see this certain someone, I can punch his face off with an uppercut (complete with a follow-through, a la Tiger Uppercut).
I know, I know, quitting the emo crap. Sigh. This is already a resolution on its own.
I burn bridges. That is what I do. This will one day lead to my own downfall.
Nothing can express this better than a heartfelt song from a metal band in clown costumes.
“I've felt the hate rise up in me
Kneel down and clear the stone of leaves
I wander out where you can't see
Inside my shell, I wait and bleed
I just finished watching the 6th episode of The Walking Dead. The series was starting to bore me so it was a good thing that this episode (season finale) was able to change the mood. I’m not a critic so I’m not going to give you ‘all-knowing’ reasons why I found it good. I like it not because of the way it was shot, nor for the way the dialogue was written. I just like for the way it can tell the truth about human behavior. I like it because I was able to empathize with the characters. I was able to relate to the feeling of hopelessness.
If I were in the same situation, I would have probably chosen to stay.
I’m still hungry. I need to stop eating, but I’m still hungry.
Hmm… steak.
I miss Regrub. Regrub is the food stall in Shopwise that sells those really beefy burgers. We would walk at high noon from our old office in Eastwood to Shopwise just to buy these. I wonder if the burgers at Sango tastes as good. For double the price, I sure hope they do.
* * *
I just realized that Regrub is burger spelled backwards. Haha… How could I have not noticed that the first time I saw it? Anyway, it’s kind of ‘spooky’ as it reminds me of ‘redrum’ from that classic Jack Nicholson horror movie.
It’s official. This is my worst year yet. And this post proves it.
I only blog when something bothers me. Blogging is something I do whenever I want to vent out frustrations or just want to keep myself distracted from all the crazy things happening around me. This year now has the most number of posts.
To the people who became part of my life this year, this post is dedicated to you. Thank you for making me stronger. I wish that you can also have the chance to be stronger these next few years.
* * *
Anyway, enough of this emo sh*t. Haha…
I can’t wait for Norman to get back home. I want may games! I asked him to buy used PS3 games in the US and I can’t wait to get my hands on them. I also plan on taking him to a buffet dinner for my birthday so I’m also excited for that. Prime ribs… hmmm...
Some people are naturally charismatic. I’ve blogged about this very same topic almost a decade ago. I was trying to put into words what having ‘charisma’ means. I’ve summed it up to one simple statement: For me it was the ability of a person to make you feel good whenever you are with him (or her). If just by hanging out with this person you forget all your troubles, you feel good about yourself and you feel infused with a positive outlook in life, then that person exudes charisma.
I’ve been told that I have charisma – but I just see myself as a very troubled person. I admit that I have a lot of skeletons in my closet and I had my share of depressions and self-loathing. Knowing my weaknesses and their consequences, I do my best each and every day not to succumb to them. I keep a happy face and make sure that no one around me knows what hell I’m going through. For years I’ve been doing this and people actually compliment me for having this ‘unique’ positivity. I’ve been asked several times how I managed to stay positive despite facts that would normally drive us to the opposite direction and I would just tell them ‘I don’t know.’ Of course I was flattered – but if they only knew how much effort I’ve given behind that, they’d probably laugh at me for being such a sorry a**. I have false charisma, if there is even such a term.
Today, I’m slowly sinking to my lowest. People are taking me for granted and my need to feel ‘important’ is not being nourished. Perhaps, maybe, I really am unimportant. Today, I’ve sunk a new low. Tomorrow, I‘m going to put up another smile on my face and tell myself and everyone around me that everything is going to be all right.
But it’s not. And I think I may already need help.
Sometimes, I just need someone to make me forget my troubles. I just need to meet someone who can make me feel good about myself. Someone who can make me feel needed. But it’s not going to happen. Not to me. Tsk.
* * *
Hay, buhay… :-\
