We were a great team. I was the creative thinker. You were the disciplined doer. We were brewing up a fierce storm. We were a force to be reckoned with.

Unfortunately, we were blowing at opposite directions. We had our minds set on different things.

It was too good to be true anyway - you and I working together. Perhaps, it really wasn't meant to be.

Reality finally sunk in. This is the farthest we can ever go.

Good bye. It was fun while it lasted.

Here’s something to think about: Would you rather be sad in a relationship? Or would you rather be sad alone, by yourself? Haha... depressed much?

Sometimes when we feel sad, we look at things at a different perspective. I guess it is normal that we sound pessimistic and hopeless when we’re down as it really is hard to look for any source of hope when everything about you is crumbling down. Yeah, some people can overcome that, but face it; most of us can't do it easily. To learn how to handle this is important, I know - unfortunately, I'm not strong enough to consider that at the moment.

Have you tried liking someone else while you are already committed? We've studied polygamy once when I was still in high school (I think) and we were taught that people who usually wander off from marriages are those that can’t handle the flaws that they find on their partners. Usually when weakness overcomes them, they will look for someone else to patch the ‘gap’ brought about by their partner’s imperfections. The reasons behind it are usually superficial – to the point that they will fall in love with somebody else just for 1 trait that they didn’t find on their partner.

Sad isn’t it? We pity the partners that were betrayed. We pity those that were left hanging. But what if the one thing that’s missing from your partner is the one thing that matters to you most? Won’t you pity the betrayer as well? Probably you would say NO… Probably you would say: "If you are not getting what you want to begin with, why stay in the relationship?" I can not agree more – and sadly, this makes it even harder for me.

I don’t want to leave just yet. I think I’d rather be sad in a relationship. My reasons may be selfish and I'm aware of that. I need more time to learn.

I stood up to get a glass of water. I was sitting at the side of my bed for an hour, thinking about things that transpired during the previous days. I was confused, I was restless, and I was lonely.

As I drank, the cold water drenched my dry mouth. Every drop of water sent a soothing sensation down my throat. I’ve been feeling thirsty the whole day and every gulp helped made my mind feel more and more relaxed. The brain freeze I got from the cold water helped ease the pain I’ve been feeling on my temples. I’ve have been drinking lots of water since morning. This proves that I may not actually be thirsty for water – I am longing for something else, something else that I can’t seem to get a hold of.

“I feel the pain, teaching us how much more we can take. Reminding us how far we’ve come.” The song said as it blasted from my computer’s speakers. I’ve set up a playlist to help me keep myself distracted but instead, it seems to be doing quite the opposite. I’m feeling very miserable. So miserable for not getting what I wanted. Perhaps, this is how I should be feeling. Perhaps I should be accepting how sad I made my life to be. Anyway, the pain will just remind me how I’ve helped myself last this long. The pain will remind me that I can overcome this. And I will. Like how I did several times before.

I want to say that things aren’t usually like this, but I can’t. I’d be lying if I said so. I have been very unhappy for quite some time now. I’ve just tried so hard to cover it up. To make myself believe that this is really the closest I can get to being happy. I’ve been keeping myself grounded. I consider myself optimistic; however, I also do consider myself practical and logical at the same time. Normally, I would allow myself to dream. I would allow myself to think that things will get better in time. That all I need is a little more trust and patience towards fate. I would even go against my own logic, blinded that things will turn out how I dreamt it. Hoping that this is a step towards the great plan the higher beings have laid down before me.

But it is not. It never will be. And I may just be wasting my time and my energy.

I feel thirsty again. I need another glass of water.