commitments

I honestly don't feel like attending an event that I've committed myself to. I only chose to go because I value the friendship that I have with the person who invited me and I was really bored when I got the invitation. Other than that, there are no other reasons. In fact, I may have more reasons not to go - the venue is too far, only a few of my friends are going, and I don't like the event itself.

Crap. What have I gotten myself into now. A part of me wants to honor the commitment I made while another part just wants me to do whatever it is that would make me happy.

Being the selfish person that I am, I think I know what I'll be choosing. But for now, I think it is best if I just sleep on it first.

r and r

We were supposed to go to Batangas for a quick get-together with some friends, however, it got cancelled so I was stuck at home the whole day. With nothing planned and nowhere to go, I just decided to start Part 37 (of 100 installments) of my room-cleanup initiative, tie-dye old clothes that I'm no longer using, and practice plucking some guitar strings.

It's a good thing that our upcoming company-sponsored Christmas party's theme for this year is "retro" so I can just wear the shirts I've dyed and come in as a hippie. Hopefully the shirts turn out okay after I wash them.

I also wanted to have a PT session today for my perpetually aching back but I got tired after dying my shirts and just watched Captain America, which was showing on TV, instead.

Afterwards, while cleaning up my room, I dug up some old shoes that I haven't worn in years - I guess I can just have them donated since they are still pretty much usable. I don't like hoarding stuff so if I've forgotten that something exists, they're either going to the rubbish bin or somewhere else where they are actually wanted.

It hasn't really been a very productive day but it's okay since it wasn't wasted either. But despite the cancelled plans, I'm still happy with the day's outcome. Plus, I have my feel-good soundtrack up most of the time.

Sweet Thing - Change of Seasons

Where I'm going, I don't know. I'm not worrying. I'll just let it go.

Happy weekend, everyone!

prolonging the inevitable

I've just nominated a colleague for a very prestigious award. It wasn't like me to do that because I usually think of myself first. I would usually say that it's me who should be nominated for such awards. As I was composing my nomination letter, a realization suddenly struck me. I grasped that I'm no longer motivated to be the best at what I do.

It has been like that since the beginning of 2011. I have been telling myself that I will pick up my pace again, hopefully, before the year ended. Unfortunately, that did not happen.  I wasn't able to recover from my 'series of unfortunate events.' And I don't think I will anytime soon.

Maybe my motivation will no longer return. Maybe it is time for me to quit and start anew somewhere else. Or maybe I should just stop thinking.

back then, back now

I just remembered how playing the guitar makes my back hurt. After several years, thanks to the very ‘motivational’ talk I had with Chad, I’ve decided to pick up one and start studying it again. I never was good before and I don’t think I can be any better now. I know this because after attempting to play a Jack Johnson song for an hour, my back started aching again and I can’t seem to sit up straight anymore. I had to stop. The guitar is a bit small so I had to slouch whenever I play sitting. Maybe next time, I should have it slung across my back and just remain standing.

* * *

Is it never too late to learn a musical instrument? I think I’ve tried almost all the basic ones. I had piano lessons as a child. I was given a guitar when I was 10 or 11. We got a drum set when I was in college. I tried studying, but I never got to be better at any of them. I like music a lot. Music just don’t like me. Haha… I just didn’t have the ear for it. I remember the feedback I got from my piano teacher back then; she said I was able to play all the songs because I memorized all the key combinations and the intervals upon which I should press them, and not because I understood the music. That is probably why I became an engineer. If only my logic can play good music.

idle hands

A four-day holiday weekend is coming up. It’s only Tuesday and already I’m in my “holiday mode.” I haven’t touched any of my work-related tasks and it’s probably going to stay this way until tomorrow.

It’s weird that I’m excited for the long weekend even if I have nothing planned for it. I don’t practice catholic traditions, I don’t fancy out of town trips, and obviously, I don’t like socializing with other people so I have four whole days with no major, major activities.

I do have a lot of things on my to-do list. I guess there isn’t going to be a better time to work on them than on this week. Also, with most people out on vacation, the malls would probably be empty (I wish) – which makes this a good opportunity for me to do my window shopping.

I just need to make sure that I accomplish something during this free time. Most of our holidays this year fall on a weekend so this will probably be the last long weekend in a while.

* * *

I wish I’ve got lots and lots of money that I can just easily book flights out of the country to visit my friends anytime I want. Just like those effing army general wives here in our country.